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SIGNS
YOUR CAT IS TOO FAT * Cat door retro-fitted with garage door opener. * Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair. * Always lands on her spleen. * Fewer calls to the fire department, but a sudden upsurge in broken branches. * Fifteen month gestation period, and still no kittens. * No longer cleans itself unless coated in Cheese Whiz. * Catfood dish replaced with Rush Limbaugh trough. * Luxurious, shiny black fur replaced with mint green polyester pants suit. * It's no longer safe to lift him without a spotter. * "Steals breath" from all five quintuplets, simultaneously. * Waits for the third bowl of food to get finicky. * He only catches mice that get trapped in his gravitational pull. * Enormous gut keeps your hardwood floors freshly buffed. * Has more chins than lives.
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