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| LAUNDRY STAIN REMOVAL GUIDE
Here's a handy guide to getting out those pesky fabric stains: Blood - Spill more blood around area of stain so it won't stand out as much. Ink - Fall to knees and plead, "Why, God, why? Why dost thou test me so?" Grass - Write the name of your liquid detergent on stain. Wash. Hold up to camera, and show off the unbelievable results. Mud - Place large iron-on NASCAR patch over stain. Apply heat for 60 seconds. Tomato Sauce - Take out the mook responsible for your tomato-sauce stain by executing him gangland-style in the back of the head. Capeche? Coffee - Rub cream and sugar into stain. Apply oral suction. Enjoy rich, robust coffee-stain flavor. Wine - Apply mixture of 1/2 rum and 1/2 Coke to self until you no longer care about some little freaking stain. Chewing Gum - Using permanent marker, draw dotted line around stain. Cut carefully on dotted line. Nail Polish - Nail-polish stains are actually quite lovely. Why not leave them in for a pleasing "homecrafted" look?
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