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| NIPPLE RINGS
Reasons nipple rings are a GOOD idea: * You gain a new and much higher threshold for pain. * You have more than just your purse to keep from losing your car keys. * With a little body English and a short copper wire, you can pick up pay-per-view if the weather is right. * You can now jump car batteries without cables. * With only a spinning table and spot light you can earn extra cash renting yourself out to Club parties. * Those nasty stretch marks are no longer the center of attention for your husband or boyfriend. * You always have a ready replacement if you lose your wedding ring. * Every elf in the universe is now your loyal friend for life. * Hanging "ten" is child’s play. Hanging "by two"?? Now that’s impressive! * Hard vibrators can be "way more" than a girl's best friend. Reasons nipple rings are a BAD idea: * Perpetual delays at airport security scanners. * Potential law suits from elderly people with pacemakers. * A friend asks to see your "ring" and in a blonde moment you almost do it. * For some reason, combs will seem like threats. * Mud wrestling as an occupation is no longer an option. * Cats and babies are attracted to shiny things. * You'll now have to deal with Velcro nightmares. * The aging process has taken on a whole new meaning. * Skinny dipping is a real challenge because of your artificial lures. * Lightning... it's not just something that happens to other people anymore.
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