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SIGNS THAT YOU SUFFER "ROAD RAGE"
* For lack of a more effective weapon, you find yourself threatening other drivers with the cigarette lighter. * You exchange your Uzi with laser sighting for a "more serious weapon." * You've stopped wearing pants in the car to make it easier to moon tailgaters. * Local Crips now have a hand signal for "Get Off The Road, That Psycho's Coming!" * On your license, under "restrictions", it says, "Valium Required." * That Yugo hood ornament on your 4X4 is not *actually* an ornament. * The only thing that calms you down is your trusty Megadeth CD. * The need to wring Dr. Laura Schlessinger's neck is just a bit more urgent than usual. * You swear more before you get to work than most gangsta rappers do all day. * You threaten to run over the person in front of you, even though you're in line for communion. * The car's a year old, but you're already on your fifth horn. * Your saw blades don't work, your voice is out of sync with your mouth, and Speed Racer has just beaten you in another race. * You've traded your plastic statue of St. Christopher for one of A.C. Cowlings. * You'd flash your brights at that slow dumbass Jacob ahead of you if your buggy only had headlights. * You've plowed more pedestrians than Wilt Chamberlain.
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