YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK CROSSDRESSER IF...

- You go to family reunions to meet guys.

- You wear a dress that's strapless and a bra that ain't.

- You wear combat boots with a minidress.

- You wear jeans with a belt buckle that's bigger than your fist.

- You have a Ford F150 pick-up truck, with a gun rack, a Dale Earnhardt license plate frame, and a Confederate flag on the tailgate, next to the bumper sticker that says "I sell Avon Skin-So-Soft."

- You try to wax your legs with Turtle Wax.

- You braid the hair that sticks through your fishnet stockings.

- Wear a black John Deere baseball cap with pearls.

- You use glitter to highlight your mustache.

- You wear tube tops with your mini, because it shows off your Harley-Davidson tattoo.

- Your favorite band ring came off a cigar.

- You keep spare ammo in your bra.

- You get a run in your stockings while changing a tire on your motorhome.

- Your purse is a toolbox.

- You pluck your eyebrows with a pair of needle nosed pliers.

- You store your lipsticks in a socket-wrench box.

- You use duct tape to keep your "tuck" in place.

- You call your vanity "your work bench."

- You use a pocketknife to sharpen your lip and eye liners.

- "Doing your nails" means sorting the ten-pennies from the sixteen-pennies.

- Your favorite leather skirt was made from the moose you shot last Fall.

- Your new sandals are made from truck tire re-treads your found on the road.

- You keep a spare lipstick in your toolbox.

- You wear a pair of C-clamps as screw-on earrings.

- Your best silver necklace is made from beer can pull-tabs.

- Your nail enamel is made by Rustoleum.

-. You use paint thinner to remove your makeup.

- Your moisturizer says "non-detergent SAE 10W30" on the container.

- You remove your leg hair with duct tape.